Tomorrow would have been our year and a half anniversary, I remember perfectly because it was on Christmas day. I’m reminiscing and looking back on everything I’ve become since then. I believe that our relationship was the most unhealthy and overprotective, but at the same time, it was the most real, and happy. What’s done has been done, and we can’t be friends anymore, but I could never be caught once for not thinking about how our relationship changed me. I believed you when you told me you loved me, even though you walked away like it was nothing. I understand that guys have difficult ways of expressing their feelings, and sometimes they just push people away to deal with things. I’ve comprehended and accepted that. I feel that ever since we broke up, I am not content with any guy. I just feel like they’re never enough. I’ve gone through all the bad guys and now I realize that you treated me like a princess, more than what I ever deserved. But it’s because you loved me, and I still believe that. The past few months haven’t been the easiest. Every guy that I talk to just doesn’t seem to treat me like you ever did and I’m not used to that at all. I’ve moved on, and I don’t want you back, trust me, because that would defeat the purpose of this learning experience we all have to go through, but it’s as if every guy I end up with now is second best. I feel incapable of feeling loved or cared for, so I do stupid shit that I regret. I lead people on and I play too many games. I’ve pondered greatly on this today and I know this is not who I want to be, I don’t want to be referred to as someone who does that, ever. I toy with people’s feelings like they are nothing. Like you did to mine. I never wanted to crumble and stoop down to your level. I just want to be cared for so much that I attempt to find that care in everyone and then I just end up hurting them cause no matter what they do or say it’s just not enough. You’ve strengthened me and opened my eyes to a lot of things, but at the same time you have made me relentlessly weak at times and I just don’t know what to do about it. so I need to change. I won’t be like you. I won’t ever tell someone I love them and that I will be with them for as long as they want me unless I genuinely and sincerely mean it. I won’t tell someone I love him with all that I have and then walk away like I never knew them. I won’t care for someone who doesn’t care for me back. I will not crumble. I will not turn into some desperate slut who just wants to be loved. I’ll save all the love I have left for someone who will give it in return. I thank you for helping me see all this. Although the damage you have done has outweighed the positive outcomes, I hope that you too are learning from our relationship.

People say, ‘I’m going to sleep now,’ as if it were nothing. But it’s really a bizarre activity. ‘For the next several hours, while the sun is gone, I’m going to become unconscious, temporarily losing command over everything I know and understand. When the sun returns, I will resume my life.’ If you didn’t know what sleep was, and you had only seen it in a science fiction movie, you would think it was weird and tell all your friends about the movie you’d seen. ‘They had these people, you know? And they would walk around all day and be okay? And then, once a day, usually after dark, they would lie down on these special platforms and become unconscious. They would stop functioning almost completely, except deep in their minds they would have adventures and experiences that were completely impossible in real life. As they lay there, completely vulnerable to their enemies, their only movements were to occasionally shift from one position to another; or, if one of the ‘mind adventures’ got too real, they would sit up and scream and be glad they weren’t unconscious anymore. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.’ So, next time you see someone sleeping, make believe you’re in a science fiction movie. And whisper, ‘The creature is regenerating itself.’

@staywreckd

I follow back

Alright, for one, when you tell me that you have feelings for me and want to see me, it doesn’t mean to bring your friend along and act like a douche the whole entire time. You fucking didn’t even walk by me, and your friend was even closer to me than you were. You barely talked to me cause you were too busy with your friend. Then you just ask about where to get alcohol or or what we’re going to do. Sorry but I didn’t give a rat’s ass what the fuck we were going to do- nothing fucking mattered to me as long as I got to spend time with you, but apparently we don’t all think that way. Taking a girl out also means you shouldn’t have to ask HER to pay for something. Ever heard of being a gentleman? Ever held a fucking door open for a girl? Obviously not. Also, you don’t say shit like “let’s go find some bad bitches” when you’re hanging out with the girl that you claim to have feelings for. When you’re eating at a restaurant, you don’t fucking make rude comments like “your food looks nasty” NONETHELESS fucking ditch me with your friend to walk to the store and buy blunt wraps and leave me there. Sexual comments, remarks, and jokes are a huge fucking turn off. When a girl builds up the fucking courage to hold your hand, you don’t say “oh that was smooth. GOOD ONE.” And to that fucking bitch that is a pathetic excuse for a good friend, you don’t fucking REPEAT what I vent to you about in front of him. That’s fucking shady and it puts me on the spot. How fucking sketch. When I say I’m cold, it means to give me your fucking jacket, not say “oh, maybe you should have worn something else.” I don’t know why guys act like fucking dicks around their friends, but the first time you see them or when they’re not with their friend, they want to act like they’re such fucking gentlemen. She was wrong about me putting myself in that position to start to like you because you were great until today. Don’t be fucking playing games with me. I already have to wait days for you to get there when we hung out, then you do or say EVERYTHING a guy who i WOULD NEVER WANT AS A BOYFRIEND would do or say. I deserve better and unless I drop you I will never get it. LATE